


Burning Bridges

by Peach_Medusa



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie goes missing, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Homophobia, I mess around with the geography of Derry/Maine, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Crying, M/M, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Minor Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, Missing Persons, Mystery, Non-Graphic Violence, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Whump, angry outbursts, mention of conversion camps, non-graphic vomit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:42:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_Medusa/pseuds/Peach_Medusa
Summary: “Go back to sleep Rich. I’ll be back, I promise.” Eddie stumbles backwards and slips out the window. Soon the room settles into a lull like Eddie was never there to begin with.The clock reads 3:35 am. Richie stays in his bed debating if he should get up and chase after Eddie but his consciousness makes the decision for him as he begins to fade into his dreams once again. Sleep overtakes him, thoughts of Eddie still swaying at the edge of his mind. Richie decides to talk to him in the morning. He will realize later that this was the worst decision of his life.Eddie Kaspbrak was never seen in Derry again.***Summary: Richie is living the lonely life of a C-list comedian in LA until he suddenly is contacted by Mike Hanlon. 17 years after his disappearance Mike believes to have received a phone call from Eddie. The remaining Loser's return to Derry in search of answers and their missing friend.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 19
Kudos: 65





	1. The Promise You Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for deciding to read this fic! I've been planning this for a bit and working on chapter 1 for at least 3 weeks. I hope you enjoy this and I really appreciate comments and constructive criticism! I might update tags later if I decide to tweak things. Enjoy the fic!

It had been a normal day for Richie Tozier. But that’s how all tragedy’s started, with normal days.

All seven members of the Losers Club sat along the bank of the quarry. The haze of a summer heat settling along the exposed edges of their skin. Beverly was skipping rocks along the water, trying to beat her record of 6 skips. Ben watched her like she was competing in an Olympic sport, the flick of her wrist catching his gaze. Bill, Mike, and Stan sat not far off, discussing amongst themselves.

Richie had taken to climbing up a nearby tree and hanging off one of the branches by the crook of his knees. While Eddie stood underneath him rattling off the possible injuries he could get by falling.

Richie was desperately trying to keep his glasses from sliding off his face as Eddie glared at him. “I’m not going to help you if you fall and bust your head open.”

“Aw would you still love me if I got brain damage Eds?” Richie grinned swinging carelessly back and forth.

“Don’t call me Eds. And you already have brain damage asshole.” Eddie huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

“And you still love me! How sweet,” He threw Eddie a wink. Richie thought he saw a hint of red creep around Eddie’s cheeks but wasn’t sure if that was just his own blood rushing to his head. 

“That’s why we’re your friend, can’t let the poor kid with brain damage play by himself.” Stan called over, not even bothering to turn towards Richie.

“You wound me Staniel.” There was a grunt as Richie heaved himself up and began his decent down the tree. About a foot away from the ground he lost his grip and fell landing on his back with a small thud. He barked out laughter as Eddie ran to his side to make sure his skull hadn’t broken like an egg shell.

“B-by the way, what electives did everyone ch-chose for the semester?” Bill said fully ignoring the commotion taking place beside him.

A chorus of answers rang around the group, from Bev shouting home economics to Ben quietly mentioning a poetry class. Stan said photography and Richie remarked that his teacher would get tired of every picture being a bird. Eddie sat quietly in his spot beside Richie. 

“What about you Eddie?” Mike smiled over at Eddie. He had also stayed silent during the discussion, there wasn’t much to say about electives when you were home schooled.

Eddie fidgeted from where he was sitting on the ground. “Ok I’ll tell you guys but you have to promise not to mention it around my mom she’ll flip.” There was a collective nod, “I uh decided to go for track and field.” 

“That’s fantastic Eddie!” Bev said.

“You’ll do g-g-gr-ugh.” Bill closed his eyes in frustration before starting again. “You’ll do awesome, you have always been the fastest of us anyway.” Bill smiled along with the rest of the group. He was right, Eddie had always been the fastest of the Losers club even when he thought his asthma was real.

“Fast on the track and in the sack that’s what they say right?” Richie laughed as he was shoved by Eddie but he didn’t miss the distinct dimpled smile.

After finding out his mother had been lying to him for years about his asthma, as well as several other illnesses, Eddie had abandoned most of his placebos. Only when his mother was watching did he seem to keep up his act, not yet wanting to confront her. Richie felt a certain kind of pride bloom in his chest. The kind that had always been there but seemed to grow with each act Eddie did. Sonia was controlling and every step that Eddie took seemed to defy the tight grip she had on him. They were coming closer to the end of their high school days and Richie was excited for the future. A future he hoped contained a great deal of Eddie.

Richie knew the way he felt about Eddie differed greatly from his feelings towards the other loser’s. He didn’t stay up late at night thinking about the curve of Beverly’s legs nor did he leave lingering touches along Stan’s arms, those were exclusive to Eddie. Calling it love would make it too real. He called it a crush because crushes were soft fleeting things. Crushes were easy to get over you could skip from one to the next. Love was a hard rock that sat at the bottom of your stomach. Yet Richie could barely contain the tightening of his chest with the way each freckle stretched over Eddie’s cheeks as he smiled. _Just a crush_ Richie reminded himself. 

The losers club continued their carefree summer day at the clubhouse, reveling in one another’s company. Richie felt at peace among his friends, he wondered if this is how all his friendships would be or if this was something special.

By the time four o’clock had rolled around it had become Richie’s favorite kind of day, one where after spending time with all the losers Richie was able to squeeze in an hour or two of alone time with Eddie. After departing from the clubhouse the duo arrived at Richie’s home, eventually landing on his bed to read comics and bicker over trivial topics.

It was Eddie who brought up the subject of college, “Are you still planning on going to UCLA?” The question threw Richie off guard, especially since they just finished a heated argument over who was the better superhero, Captain America or Iron Man. But now Eddie sat on the floor of Richie’s room, his back against the bed and staring at the posters on the wall. His eyes seemed like they were searching for an answer in the Rush poster hung up haphazardly above Richie’s desk, a fruitless effort.

“Well yeah, its step one in my plan on becoming a famous comedian,” Richie turned to Eddie from where he sat on his bed. His eyes were still trained on the poster but Richie caught a glimpse of some unnamed emotion flash across them. “You should come with. UCLA has like a million majors to choose from.” Richie tried to say it as casually as possible and not like he would trade his left arm just to have Eddie in the same state as him. This was not the first time he had brought it up but he still felt the same nervousness tug at his stomach, like it was an encoded proposal.

“Like my mom would ever agree to me moving across the country with Richie Tozier.” Eddie finally returned Richie’s gaze, a somber smile on his face. 

“You’re right. You’re mom would get too jealous.” Eddie groaned “Do you think I could get Mrs.K to come with me to UCLA? I’m not sure she could survive till winter break without me.” Eddie took the comic book in his lap and rolled it up before smacking Richie on the head with it. Richie laughed, a shit-eating grin spread wide across his face. Eddie wavered in his scowling, eventually laughing along with Richie. Soon both boys settled back down into a comfortable silence as they read their comic books. 

As the evening sun slipped into his room it basked Eddie in an otherworldly glow, Richie wanted to burn the image into his brain. He wanted to record Eddie as he was now and replay the scene over in his head until that’s all he could see. He was almost grateful when Eddie said he needed to leave, the tips of his fingers burned with the urge to touch. But Richie smiled and pushed those feelings away, a practice he had grown accustomed to.

Richie walked Eddie to his porch, leaning on the railing as Eddie began to walk down the steps. “When will I see you again Eddie my love?”

“Jesus can you just say my name normally for once?”

“For you? No way in hell Spaghetti man.” Richie was grinning, a common occurrence when he was with Eddie. And Eddie would huff and roll his eyes at Richie’s antics but there was always a smile that followed and Richie would always chase it.

“Well Bill wants us all to meet up at his house tomorrow, his aunt sent him a board game and it can play up to ten people so now we won’t have to fight over who goes first.” Eddie said, hopping off the last step of the porch and turning to face Richie. 

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow when I show you my awe-inspiring board game skills.” Richie wore a cocky smile, it always gave him a special rush knowing exactly what buttons to push to rile Eddie up.

“Oh shut up you couldn’t even beat me at Clue.” Eddie crossed his arms, face already formed into a pout.

“Hey that’s not fair, you know I suck at those murder mystery games!” 

“Well it’s a mystery why I’m still friends with you” Eddie smirked as Richie let out a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest as if Eddie had shot him on the spot.

As he turned to leave down the driveway Richie shouted “see you tomorrow!” Eddie turned around briefly to wave at Richie before scurrying off towards his own house and out of Richie’s sight. 

After dinner Richie went to bed peacefully, happy with how the day went. That was before he was awoken at 3:21 am.

Richie was a heavy sleeper, he had always been since a young child. That night he did not hear a window creaking open or shoes shuffling on carpet, he wasn’t awake until a gentle hand began to stroke his hair. Even then Richie was still dancing between sleep and consciousness. He shifted, opening his eyes just barely only to close them again then repeating the process a few more times before comprehending that for a hand to touch his head it needed to be attached to a person that was presumably in his room. His eyes opened fully to see a dark figure standing over him.

Shock would have set quickly into his veins if not for the hand still combing its way through his hair, daring him to sleep once again. He made a sound that was a mix between a grunt and a slurred “what”. The hand retracted as Richie grabbed his glasses off his night stand. While the figure was less blurry they were still just as dark and only after his eyes adjusted did Richie catch the face of the intruder. The sliver of moonlight peaking from behind the clouds illuminating just enough for recognition to kick in.

“Eddie?” Richie questioned, head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton.

Eddie jerked back slightly, his face still mostly shadows. Richie was having a hard time making the connections his brain needed to make. “Richie” Eddie said finally and if Richie were more lucid maybe he would have caught the distinct wetness Eddie’s voice carried. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Richie rubbed his eyes, “What are you doing here man?” He went to turn on his lamp but Eddie grabbed his wrist.

“No don’t.” Richie was taken aback “Sorry its just…“ There was hesitation in his voice and Richie started to wonder if this was a dream, it felt too weird to be reality. “I needed to see you.” There is another pause as Eddie let go of Richie’s wrist before kneeling down beside the bed. Richie felt the warmth of a hand on his cheek. “Richie I need you to listen carefully. I’m going to be gone for…“ he breathed in sharply “I- I’m not sure how long. But I promise you I will be back ok?”

“Eddie you’re not making any sense” Richie’s voice dripped with confusion as his gut started to tug at itself. This wasn’t the Eddie that Richie knew, this wasn’t the spitfire that always spoke his mind and was trustworthy to a fault. No this Eddie sounded uncertain and scared.

“I know, I’m sorry” Richie thinks he hears a sniffle, “I can’t….just remember I’ll be back Richie, please remember that.” Eddie leans forward and rests his head on Richie’s shoulder as he begins to shake.

Richie wraps his arms around Eddie, softly running his hand down his back. They stay like that for a moment and Richie starts to wonder again if this is an elaborate dream.

Eddie pulls back, “Richie I-“ he says it like something important is dancing on the tip of his tongue ready to dive, but he just shakes his head “I have to go” he slips away before Richie can protest. “Go back to sleep Rich. I’ll be back, I promise.” Eddie stumbles backwards and slips out the window. Soon the room settles into a lull like Eddie was never there to begin with.

The clock reads 3:35 am. Richie stays in his bed debating if he should get up and chase after Eddie but his consciousness makes the decision for him as he begins to fade into his dreams once again. Sleep overtakes him, thoughts of Eddie still swaying at the edge of his mind. Richie decides to talk to him in the morning. He will realize later that this was the worst decision of his life.

Eddie Kaspbrak was never seen in Derry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! I already have most of Chapter 2 done I just need to go over it like 50 times until I'm satisfied with it. Feel free to say hi to me on Tumblr or Twitter I love to chat! :)  
> Twitter: Pink_Medusa6  
> Tumblr: pinkmedusa6


	2. The Call

Richie is standing in his house staring at the kitchen pantry trying to decide if box mac and cheese or cup of noodles will be his dinner for the night. He had never been one for cooking, although he didn’t think he was even qualified to say that, as he never tried to cook. _The life of a C list comedian was not all glitz and glamour_ , Richie thought bitterly to himself.

He had just returned from a meeting with his manager discussing his upcoming tour. An interview with a morning talk show had recently aired and the promotion helped to sell out two of the venues. His manager was toying with the idea of adding a few more shows to that area. Richie didn’t really care, he was drained. The constant cycle of reciting ghost written sets then drinking until Richie forgot those sets and waking up to start again was starting to take its toll.

Richie scanned over the cabinet again, after much deliberation cup of noodles was the ultimate winner. Richie thought briefly about his mother, she would be appalled that he was eating such cheap food while living in a house that cost almost 3 million dollars. Guilt cultivated in his stomach, he hadn’t talked to his mother since Christmas and even then it was a brief phone call. Richie was grateful to his parents, he truly loved them, but he couldn’t stand the pity in their eyes. The way they would share knowing glances with one another while they thought Richie wasn’t looking. He might have a fairly successful career as a comedian with a big house and nice car to show it but he was alone.

While his jokes often mentioned a girlfriend she was nonexistent. Richie Tozier hadn’t had a relationship that lasted longer than a one night stand since he graduated college.

Richie glanced around his house, modern would be a good word to describe it but also hollow, devoid of personality. A slick big screen TV sat in his living room with black leather furniture and beautiful hard wood flooring, but no family pictures on the wall. No inconsequential knick-knacks strewn about or bookshelves lined with unread novels, a house is what he owned not a home. 

A memory rises at the back of his head. He pushed it down, suffocating it under other thoughts.

Maybe getting a dog would make him feel less alone. Richie contemplates it for a moment, he does like dogs but he thinks a cat would be better. He always had a soft spot for cats. _Maybe I can call Todd tomorrow, see if he knows any shelters._ He mulls this over in his head while beginning to boil water for his noodles.

Just as the first few bubbles rise Richie feels his phone vibrate. He pulls it out of his pocket to see random numbers across the screen. _Derry, Maine?_ Richie answers anyway, “Hello?”

“Hey this is Richie Tozier right?” someone asks over the phone. The voice is deep, definitely male, and so oddly familiar to Richie.

“If this is about that role to be the step brother that can only communicate through farting you can tell Adam Sandler, for the fifth time, I’m not interested.” Richie says, exasperation leaking from his tone. 

“What? No. This is Mike. Mike Hanlon, from Derry.”

“Holy shit! Mike? Oh my gosh how have you been man? It’s been what, like 15 years.” Richie smiles, despite the lingering of other memories trying to push through. Mike was always a good friend to Richie, the same feeling of guilt took hold of his stomach, he had not tried to contact Mike for more than a decade.

“Actually it’s been 17 years to be exact. It’s good to hear from you Richie.” There is a lightness to Mike's voice but it turns serious in an instant. “Listen while I would love for this to be a random ‘catch-up-with-me’ call it’s not. I wanted to call you before I talked any of the other loser’s”

The thought of the other loser’s briefly warms his heart. Although there is a mix of longing and guilt nestled inside there as well. He hasn’t heard from any of them in so long, he wonders if they had kept in touch with each other more than him. _If that’s the case I wouldn’t blame them._ He has missed them more than he thought possible but Richie can already feel apprehension stiffen his bones. He tries to keep his cheery demeanor “Whats up Mikey?”

There is a sigh then a pause “Richie I think I got a call from Eddie.”

Richie can feel the floor strike his knees before he even realizes that he’s falling. Emotions and memories from years ago bombard him in wave after wave. Aftershocks are still hitting him as he sits kneeling on the hard tile of his kitchen, phone discarded onto the floor. Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak. A name he was hoping to forget but had been carved so thoroughly inside him he was sure his bones held the initials E.K.

Just then the water began to boil over, spilling onto the stovetop and feeding the flames beneath it. “Shit” Richie muttered hopping onto his feet and turning off the burner.

“You ok Richie? Are you still there?” Mike shouted catching Richie’s attention back to his abandoned cell phone on the floor.

“Yeah, I’m still here. I’m…“ Richie wanted to finish the sentence but he wasn’t sure how to answer. Saying he was fine felt like a lie. “W-what do you mean you got a call from Eddie?” Richie hadn’t said his name in years, he barely dared to think about it. Now it tumbled from his mouth stilted from disuse.

“I was at my house yesterday when the phone rang. The call was patchy and there was static but it sounded like him. It sounded like Eddie.”

Richie ran a hand through his hair. “Are you sure Mike?”

“I’m almost 100% sure.” There was silence across the line. “Do you remember the vow we made?”

“Remember it? I’m the one who forced everyone to do it.” Richie lets out a chuckle although it was just like his house, hollow. A brief flash of a memory passes over him, everyone standing in a circle before enveloping Richie into a hug, their bloody palms bleeding into his shirt. He looks down at his own hand briefly. “I can grab a plane ticket tonight and be in Derry by tomorrow. Do you think the others will show?” He drummed his fingers onto the counter, his nerves on fire.

“I’m not sure. But I know I’ll be here and I know the others would do anything for Eddie.” Mike waits a moment before continuing, “They would do anything for you too Richie.”

He can feel the familiar sting of tears at the back of his eyes and a lump in his throat that would not go down. He scoffs trying his best not to show how much Mike’s words affected him, “For me? I don’t know I am the one that almost burnt half the clubhouse when I accidentally dropped a fire cracker down the ladder.” The memory comes to him in an instant. The way Stan thought pouring a single water bottle would quell the flames, watching Bill be equal parts mad and howling with laughter, how Ed-

Richie was done thinking about that memory.

Mike chuckles over the phone, “Hey once a member of the Losers Club, always a member.”

The sentiment brings a smile to Richie’s face, he doesn’t know how he was able to survive without them. “What-uh what did he say? Over the phone,” He tries to sound casual and not like the question has been burning at the back of his gums since Mike told him of the call.

“I don’t know if I should go into details right now. I don’t want to…upset you.” Richie can hear the apprehension in his voice. The fact that Mike thinks it would upset Richie only feeds the wildfire brewing inside him. “Why don’t you save this number and I’ll text you with updates on the others.”

“Sounds good Mikey, I’ll let you know when my flight will be landing.” They quickly exchange goodbyes and hang up.

Richie looks down at the now darken screen on his phone, and then the pot of water on his stove. He moves towards his office, ready to look up flight plans before packing and heading off to bed. He had lost his appetite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like how this chapter turned out but I would love to hear what my lovely readers have to say so I encourage comments and constructive criticism! I haven't started on Chapter 3 yet but I've been in a writing mood so hopefully that will be done soon. Thank you so much for reading feel free to say hi to me on Tumblr or Twitter I love to chat! :)  
> Twitter: Pink_Medusa6  
> Tumblr: pinkmedusa6


	3. The Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter three! It's longer that the last two but I'm very happy with how it turned out! Special thanks to wings_g_leviosa for beta-reading this for me! She was a huge help and also a lovely author if you would like to check out her work.

Richie landed at the Bangor airport at 1:00 pm. After grabbing his carryon luggage and walking down the jetwalk he took his first steps in Maine after a 17 year absence.

He immediately ran towards the bathrooms and promptly threw up.

“Huh, I think those peanuts taste better coming up than going down.” Richie clutched the sides of the less-than-pristine airport toilet.  _ I’ll have to file this away as future joke material.  _ Even if Richie could make a set out of this, it was pointless. He wasn’t paying his ghost writer just for him to tell his own shitty jokes.

After flushing the toilet and washing his hands Richie made his way to the shuttles. It took him 30 minutes to grab a rental car and another hour and 30 minutes to drive to Derry. Upon seeing the worn down “Welcome to Derry” sign Richie began to feel nauseous and two minutes after driving past it he pulled over to throw up again.  _ I have to stop doing this. _ After wiping his mouth onto his jacket sleeve Richie clambered back into his car. The further he drove the more he began to recognize his settings. He passed by the abandoned iron works factory, Mr.Clark’s burger joint,and town square with its ugly Paul Bunyan statue. It all felt too much for Richie. He tried to focus on the road as he drew closer to the townhouse.

The townhouse was like Derry, old and probably in need of a police investigation. The receptionist looked bored out of her mind as she handed Richie his room key. He made his way up the creaky stairs passing by the puke coloured wallpaper and into his room. Richie tossed his bag to the side and flopped down onto the bed with a satisfying thump. He reached for his phone and quickly texted Mike. 

To Mike: Landed

To Mike: Got to my hotel

To Mike: This place sucks

From Mike: Derry or the hotel?

To Mike: Both

From Mike: Well I don’t get out of work until later and we aren’t supposed to meet up with everyone until 7

To Mike: What time do you get out of work?

From Mike: 6

To Mike: Mikey no! Don’t leave me alone in this town. I can smell the rednecks from here!

From Mike: Lol sorry Richie. I’ll text you when I’m out of work.

From Mike: Have fun! :)

_ Of course Mike would type out a smiley face rather than use an emoji _ . Richie frowned at the screen. He glanced at the clock, 3:18. “Well I can always kill time here until Mike gets out of work, no way am I walking alone around Derry”.

15 more minutes and one busted hotel TV later and Richie was roaming the streets of Derry.

As he approached town square the idea of sitting in his room and staring at the wall started to sound like a wonderful prospect. Yet he continued onward. As the small park in the middle of town came closer into view Richie couldn’t stop the memories from resurfacing. He had spent 17 years of his life trying to force down the distant recollections of a cruel town. Now he was immersed in it, drowning in events that were as bittersweet as dark chocolate. Passing by a bench, Richie recalled that particular seat as the one he and Eddie often went to after getting ice cream. Strawberry for Eddie and mint chocolate chip for Richie. Once Richie had decided to dump a bag of sour gummy worms into his ice cream and Eddie had gone on a 20 minute tirade about the dangers of cavities and diabetes before taking a bite and begrudgingly admitting that it tasted pretty good.

Richie wanted to smile at the memory. He wanted to pretend that this was a casual visit to his hometown, that all his friends had grown apart in age and decided to reconnect and reminisce. But it wasn’t. Richie had to accept that every memory that involved Eddie would sting with the reminder that he wasn’t there with him, that Richie didn’t know where he was.

He continued walking.

As he roamed through the town he was filled with an uneasy nostalgia. Being able to look back on his childhood memories with the knowledge of how his life would turn out left a sour taste in Richie’s mouth.

As Richie turned down Main Street he spotted Keane’s pharmacy and had the urge to march in there and see if that old weirdo Mr. Keane still worked behind the counter. But Richie was unsure if he could keep his mouth shut, he had always had a problem doing that. Mr. Keane was a creep to most of the children of Derry. Richie had once accompanied Eddie to pick up a prescription, and upon leaving, saw the way Mr. Keane had looked over at Eddie’s body. Richie almost vaulted across the counter and throttled the perverted pharmacist. Although his worst offense in Richie’s eyes was his compliance with Eddie’s mother to feed Eddie those placebos. Sonia was a horrible person for doing that to Eddie but she had to get them from somewhere, and it seems Mr. Keane was more than willing to supply them.

Richie didn’t want to stop too long in front of the pharmacy, afraid that if he looked in and managed to see Mr. Keane he would lose all the willpower he had and burst through the door to scream at the old man. So he continued his trek around town, taking note of the small changes like new lamp posts and the occasional new store. Richie saw that the arcade was closed, windows now boarded up and arcade cabinets covered in dust, he almost felt relief.  _ Maybe now another kid won’t get called faggot. _

Richie wasn’t sure how long he had been walking, he had refused to look at his phone, not wanting to see the many missed calls or messages from his manager. He had already left Todd a voicemail that he was going on a trip (calling it a vacation sounded wrong) and when he returned he would call him.

This was probably the most exercise Richie had gotten in a while if the small sting in his legs was anything to go by. Soon the town faded into the suburbs and then farmland and then the woods.  _ Shit I probably walked too far, I wonder if I can get a ride back into town.  _ Just as Richie finished that thought he remembered where he was. He looked down the road and saw a bridge in the distance. Richie smiled to himself, ignoring his sore legs and jogging to the overpass. However it seemed different. He wondered if he had been mistaken, if Derry had another bridge he had forgotten about. But as he drew near there was no mistaking that he was in the right place.

Before him should have sat the kissing bridge, the old bridge where lovers would carve their initials into the wooden rails and make out under the covering.

It wasn’t there though.

Instead there were metal railings and nothing more. Richie stood there, letting the shock settle into his skin, before slowly making his way over to the offending metal. He touched it, feeling the smooth texture and looked around once more, trying to spot any leftover remnants of the bridge he once knew. There was nothing. Richie sank down onto the ground, pulling his knees up to curl in on himself.

Richie didn’t want to cry. He clenched his fist and blinked back tears, already feeling a headache form behind his eyes. This was a stupid thing to cry over.  _ It was just a bridge,  _ Richie kept repeating in his head. There was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t fucking swallow down. He hit his fists along his leg, frustrated with how he was acting and wishing he could just get his brain to shut up for one moment. Richie was tired of the memories that infected his thoughts. He was tired of thinking. He wanted nothing more than to be back in his hotel room with the biggest bottle of scotch he could get his hands on. Every few minutes he would think of standing back up or even just checking his phone but he continued to remain on the edge of the road feeling a cocktail of emotions swirl inside him. 

The sun was beginning to sink into the horizon but Richie had not noticed. Nor had he noticed his phone vibrating several times over the past hour. Richie had been stuck in his own headspace until a car pulled up beside him. He lifted his head slightly seeing the aged car come to a slow stop. Once he glanced behind the steering wheel he instantly stood up, wiping any remaining tears that lingered on his face.

Emerging from the driver’s side was Mike Hanlon. He turned towards Richie and spread his arms out, face still as friendly and warm as when he was younger. Richie flung himself into Mike’s arms already feeling the return of tears.

“Richie, I called you like three times. I thought you got cold feet and left.” Mike pulled back to get a good look at Richie despite Richie wishing for nothing more than to stay buried in Mike’s arms. His expression softened. Richie had a sneaking suspicion that Mike had noticed his red eyes and hastily wiped away tear tracks. “Wow I’ve seen you on TV but you look different in person.”

“It’s ok you can just say I look like crap, the cameras can’t quite capture the dad bod I have been carefully acquiring.” Richie accentuated this point by waving his hand over his torso.

Mike let out a laugh “Good to see your humor hasn’t changed much Richie.” He patted Richie on the back, “Now get in the car, it's already 6:30 and we don’t want to be late.”

They both got into the car and while buckling himself in Richie caught sight of his reflection in the side view mirror. Richie was only 32 but he felt like he had lived an entire lifetime. His own mental exasperation seemed to have seeped into his skin as he noticed worry lines forming and the ever present dark circles under his eyes. He glanced at Mike, and while he did look older his face didn’t seem to carry the same weight as Richie’s. Mike’s eye held a youthful glow and judging from their brief embrace, he took care of his body. He looked towards the bridge one last time before Mike started to pull away.

Richie couldn’t help himself but ask, “What happened to the kissing bridge?”

“Oh yeah it looks different from what you remember right?” Mike glanced over at Richie and must have seen something written over his face as his voice became softer. “It was probably about five or six years ago, this truck was driving through town carrying some chemicals or something and as it was crossing the overpass it exploded, ended up taking a big chunk of the bridge with it.” The scenery changed as the town began to show on the horizon. “After that the whole town was in a riot about how wooden bridges were unsafe -too flammable they said- so they decided to replace it with a metal one. Of course all the love-struck teens were upset but that old bridge probably only had a few more years in it anyway.”

“Damn and I thought this town was still the same boring place.” Richie joked but his statement carried a somberness along with it.

“Hey this town has changed since you’ve last been here. They added a new addition to the high school, there was a flood earlier this month that got the whole area tri-state area and half of my library, the mayor resigned after he was caught cheating on his wife,” Richie let out a chuckle at that, “Oh and remember that clown that would perform at the fourth of July fair?”

“That one with the creepy laugh?”

Mike nodded, “That’s the one. I’m pretty sure he killed someone.”

Richie looked out the window, “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

As they pulled into the parking lot for the Jade Orient, Richie began to feel anxiety heat his palms up into a sweaty mess. When Mike stepped out of the car Richie realized he would have to do the same.

“Uh hey Mikey,” Mike turned to face Richie. “I’m going to have a quick smoke, I’ll be there in a minute.”

A look of understanding passed over Mike’s face before it was replaced with a smile, “Of course man, take your time.” He said before heading towards the restaurant.

_ God I missed Mike.  _ Richie pulled out a cigarette and his lighter, trying to get the nicotine into his lungs as quickly as possible. He needed some time to relax, the thought of meeting his friends-whom he hadn’t seen in over a decade-filled him with dread. After all he was the reason they were all here again, he was the one that made everyone do that stupid promise, it’s not like they wanted to be here, it’s not like they wanted to see Richie.

“Hey handsome got a cigarette?” Richie jumped at the sound of a voice behind him, turning around quickly.

It took him a moment to take in the woman before him but after seeing her curly red hair Richie broke out into a wide smile, “Bev!” He discarded his forgotten cigarette onto the ground before scooping up Beverly into a hug and twirling her around once for good measure.

She laughed and Richie was reminded of all the times they would hang out behind the school, smoking cigarettes and exchanging the raunchiest jokes they could think of. “How’s my favorite trashmouth?”

“How am I? Obviously not as good as you, you look great Bev.” Richie looked at Bev once again. Her spirited nature showed through her face and although she looked more mature, Richie would place her no more around 25 years old, definitely not pushing 33.

“Oh shush Richie you look good. Although I saw your interview on TV the other day, who does your wardrobe? I don’t think that brown undershirt did you any favors, you look better in bright colours, brings out your eyes.” She pulled out a business card and handed it over to Richie, “You should call me next time.”

Richie scanned the card, “Oh I’ve only heard tales of the wonderful fashionista Ms. Marsh. Could you use your fashion magic to turn this lowly frog into a prince?”

Beverly rolled her eyes despite the warm smile she carried and opened her mouth to respond but before she could a voice spoke up next to them. “Hope I’m not too late to the party.”

Richie stared at the new man standing next to him, his brain was slowly making connections but Bev beat him to it. “Ben? Oh my gosh you look so different.” She ran to hug him and Ben surrounded her with his toned arms. Richie soon followed hugging Ben and taking note of how much he had truly changed.

“Great you guys aged like a fine wine and I aged about as well as that packet of cream cheese I kept in my locker all of freshman year.” Richie tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, suddenly self conscious of his less than stellar body.

“Please don’t remind me I just managed to get the smell out of my nose.” Bev said, crossing her arms.

“I thought Stan was going to throw up on my shoes when you opened your locker on the last day of school.” Ben winced at the memory. 

“Oh you guys are so dramatic, he made it to the trash can in time” Richie gave his usual shit-eating grin and Ben and Bev chuckled missing his antics.

“Come on, let's head inside before they send out a search party.” Ben spoke as he glanced at Richie and Bev. Although Ben’s eyes lingered on Bev for just a second too long and Richie was reminded of how similar he and Ben really were.

When the trio entered the restaurant they were led to their table and greeted by the sight of Mike, Bill, and Stan all making idle chatter while staring at the restaurant's fish tank. They exchanged hugs and Richie felt a familiar tug at his heart. These were the people he was closest to for most of his life and here they were again. All of them had changed so much and yet Richie felt like he was the only one still chained to the past. He wasn’t ready to confront the feelings simmering inside him so Richie did what he was best at, avoided his emotions.

He grabbed the mallet on the side table and struck the gong, its sound vibrating across the room. “This meeting of the Losers Club has officially begun.” Richie smirked as most of the group admonished him.

Upon first sitting down Richie felt nervous. They all knew why they were here, at least Richie assumed as much. He realized it might be awkward for Mike to jump right into the topic but as the minutes passed and the casual conversation continued Richie felt antsy. They did know why they were here right? He tried to relax but didn’t fully feel his stiff shoulders unwind until the drinks began to arrive.

After several beers Richie could participate in the conversation without feeling like a vice was gripping his throat. They had gone on to discuss their significant others, a topic that Richie was luckily not probed on.

“Wait so you got married? Who’s the lucky lady that managed to tie down Stan the Man?” Richie grinned at Stan before taking another chug of his beer.

“Her name is Patty”, A fond expression filled Stan’s face, “We met during my third year of college and have been together ever since.” Stan pulled out his wallet and passed around a picture of him and Patty on their wedding day. Richie looked at the photo, the expression of pure joy on Stan’s face left a lump of jealousy festering in his gut.

“She’s beautiful Stan.” Bev exclaimed.

“Wow any woman that can put up with you talking about birds constantly must be a Saint. When do I get to meet her?” Richie passed the photo back to Stan.

“If I’m lucky, never”

The table laughed as Richie sat there in mock offense. “Staniel how could you? Are you just afraid that she’ll be so star-struck meeting  _ the  _ Richie Tozier that she’ll immediately dump you for me?”

“Star-struck? By some C-list comedian with the fashion sense of a blind ten-year-old? You wish” Stan stuffed more fried rice into his mouth as Richie continued laughing.

“What about you Bill? I heard you were dating an actress right?” Ben spoke over the commotion of the table.

“Yeah Audra Phillips right?” Mike said, turning to stare at Bill.

Bill seemed to shrink back a bit. He briefly looked over at Mike before finding his water glass more interesting, “Eh kind of? We’re on a bit of a break right now. I was actually set to go to London with her and start filming on my newest screenplay until I got the call from Mike.”

Richie looked towards Mike who continued to look at Bill. The antsy feeling returned and Richie began to fidget with the beer bottle in his hands, slowly tearing off the label. With each little piece torn the silence grew until Richie could almost taste the tension in the air. He was tempted to speak up, maybe say a dumb joke, but while he was deciding what to say Mike spoke.

“I guess you guys are all wondering what this is about.” Mike clasped his hands together in front of him, eyes tracing the individual seams of his fingers.

“You told me this is about Eddie” Bev quickly glanced around the table, receiving nods of agreement from the others, she turned back to Mike voice wavering slightly. “Did-did they uh find a body?”

Richie’s head snapped from Beverly to Mike, “You didn’t tell them?”

“I was afraid they would try to talk me out of it” Mike exclaimed gesturing at the others for emphasis.

“Talk you out of what?” Bill said, confused.

Richie slammed his hands down on the table causing several pieces of silverware to jostle and a few to clamber off the side. “He has proof that Eddie is still out there!” Richie pointed an accusatory finger at Mike.

“Proof is a strong word”

“What the hell do you mean ‘strong word’? You heard him!” Richie could tell his voice was getting louder but he didn’t give a damn.

“Everyone calm down!” Bill's voice boomed across the room, bringing back the silence once again. “Now Mike can you please explain what is going on, the whole truth this time, and with no interruptions.” At that last statement Bill looked over at Richie who huffed putting his hands up in surrender. 

Mike sighed, “A few days ago I was at my house-I’m currently moving from the farm to a new apartment but that’s beside the point-I was at home and the phone rang. I picked it up and on the line was Eddie.”

The losers (sans Richie and Mike) sat in shock, faces agape. Ben was the first one to speak, “And you’re sure it was Eddie and not some prank caller?”

“Pretty damn sure”

There was another bout of silence as everyone absorbed what was being said.

“What did he say Mike?” Stan briefly glanced over at Richie before focusing on Mike.

“Well the call was filled with static and kept cutting out.” Mike looked towards the ground “But I heard most of the beginning and part of the end. He recognized my voice almost instantly and started crying out in joy that I still had the same phone number. Of course I was confused and asked who it was, he said it was Eddie and then he said ‘please you have to help me’” Richie clawed at his jeans, his shaky fingers making a fist. “I asked where he was and that’s when it started to get hard to hear. He said something about being trapped and I distinctly remember him saying Derry. Then I heard the tail end of a sentence, it sounded like ‘–iller has me’. It was so hard to hear and I was trying to focus on what he was saying.” Mike rubbed a hand across his face trying to compose himself. “He said something along the lines of ‘can’t go on much longer’, I told him that he was breaking up, I tried to ask where he was again but I don’t think he could hear me that well either, he kept repeating my name. I heard north and then the end of a word ‘ard’, it might have been backyard or barnyard maybe? The last thing I heard Eddie say before he cut out completely was ‘please help’.” 

The table was silent. Mike’s words hung in the air like a guillotine ready to drop. Beverly sat misty eyed with her hand clasped over her mouth while Ben grasped the shoulder of Stan who was covering his face with both hands. Bill, ever the braver one, broke the silence.

“You said there was a lot of static,” Bill said it more like a statement than a question, nonetheless Mike nodded his head, “then how did you know it was him?”

Richie felt himself begin to boil, his anger threatening to spill over but luckily Mike answered before it could, “He didn’t just have the same voice it was the same inflections and everything. Listen I tried to think of anyone else it could be but who would do this? Who knows about Eddie’s disappearance from town and doesn’t believe the bullshit his mom said about going to live with his aunt? We are the only ones who think anything sinister went on and I know it wasn’t any of us.” 

Richie looked over at the rest of the losers, trying to decipher if they believed Mike, if they would be willing to stay. Mike had been right, what Eddie had said over the phone did upset Richie but it also filled him with a determination he didn’t know he still had.

Richie would find Eddie, whether his friends helped him or not.

Stan was fiddling with his wedding ring before he looked around the table, “So what do we do now?”

No one knew the answer to that. They all stared at one another searching for something to say. Richie could feel the silence eating away at him. He hated silence. Richie always needed something to do or listen to, anything to distract him from the horror that was being trapped with himself.

“Mike heard Eddie over the phone. That means he is still out there and he needs our help. I don’t know about everyone else but I won’t stop until we find him.” Richie didn’t dare look at the others, too afraid that his resolve might crumble and leave him a sobbing mess. He felt his heart leap out of his chest at the sound of a chair screeching across the floor,  _ someone’s leaving.  _ Before he could think of anything else Richie felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

Bev was standing next to Richie, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. She was soon joined by Ben and then Stan and finally Mike and Bill. Richie felt the warm embrace of his friends as a few tears slip passed his eyes. Nothing needed to be said, a silent vow had been made.

They would find Eddie. 

Mike was the first to pull away trying to discreetly wipe his eyes. “Well I think that’s enough excitement for one night. You all must be tired from your flights anyway. Why don’t you guys head to the townhouse and we can discuss plans tomorrow.”

No one argued with that, and after splitting the check they left. Richie started to follow Mike towards his car before Stan shouted across the parking lot, “You live in the opposite direction of the townhouse right Mike? I can take Richie back.”

Mike shrugged and looked towards Richie. He seemed more than willing to take Richie to the hotel but Mike had a long day as well and Stan was heading to the same place anyway. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning Mikey” Richie gave a wave to Mike before heading over to Stan’s car.

“Couldn’t stand to be away from me for more than a second could you, Stanny boy?”

“Oh shut up and buckle your seat belt.” Stan said as he pulled out from the parking lot.

The journey began silently, Richie was staring out the window emotionally drained from the previous conversation. The words that Eddie said over the phone echoed in his mind. Mike had seemed pretty upset recalling what he heard but a small masochistic part of Richie’s brain wished that he had been the one to get the call. It wasn’t fair to judge Mike, he had said the call was lousy quality, nevertheless Richie couldn’t help but think if he was the one to hear it maybe he could have gleaned more information, if only just a microscopic amount.

Stan kept glancing over at Richie, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel with an anxious rhythm. “Richie I wanted to apologize.”

Richie blinked wide-eyed at Stan, “Apologize for what buddy? Not laughing at all of my obviously genius jokes?” Richie thought he would get a dry chuckle out of Stan for that one, but he didn’t even roll his eyes.

“Richie” Stan briefly looked over at him before turning back to the dusk kissed road. “I’m sorry for how I acted. When Eddie first disappeared.”

Richie stared at Stan who refused to look back. “You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I did! You were so determined to find Eddie, you were so sure he was out there. And what did I do? I told you to be realistic, to think logically, to abandon him!” Stan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, “If it wasn’t for me maybe you would have already found him by now.”

Richie could see the tears on Stan’s cheeks inch slowly down his face. As the light from the lampposts dipped in and out of the car for a split second Stanley was 12 again, crying because he had fallen off his bike and scraped both his palms. And then he snapped back to being 32, sitting vulnerable right next to Richie like all those years ago.

“Stan there is no way you could have known. You didn’t even try to stop me from searching until like six months after he was gone.”

Stan didn’t respond to that at first. He continued to drive until he reached the parking lot of the townhouse, that’s when he shut off the engine and turned towards Richie.

“I didn’t understand at the time. I loved Eddie, we all did, and when he was gone we were devastated. But as the days grew into months I started to lose hope of finding him. I thought it was best to stop searching, to try and cut off any emotional ties we had so we could move on.” Richie could feel his own tears burning as they traveled down his face. “But now I understand, if anything like this happened to Patty I wouldn’t stop until I found her.”

Stan’s stare bore into Richie and he crumbled underneath it openly sobbing into his hands. Reaching awkwardly around the center console Stan enveloped Richie into a comforting embrace. By the time Richie returned the hug he had calmed down enough to respond to Stan.

“It doesn’t matter what happened back then. You’re here now.” The grip on Richie’s back tightened, “Thank you Stan, for being here.” And he truly meant it.

After they had both calmed down they headed into the townhouse. Everyone else had already made it into their rooms and clocked out for the night. As Richie bid a good night to Stan he entered his own room and began his nightly routine. While brushing his teeth Richie reflected on the events of today and what Stan had said in the car. 

Richie never brought up the fact that Stan compared what he felt towards his wife to what Richie felt towards Eddie. Stan always did know too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The journey to find Eddie starts next chapter! I'm really enjoying writing this so far. Comments and constructive criticism are vastly appreciated. Feel free to drop by my social medias and say hi, I love to talk fandom! :)  
> Twitter: Pink_Medusa6  
> Tumblr: pinkmedusa6


	4. The Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to put this out! I was part of a writing challenge and then school started so I've been fairly busy. But I'm determined to finish this fic so no worries. I want to give a special thanks to @sunbug who beta read my ramblings and helped turn them into a cohesive fic! I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for reading!

Richie stared down at the amber liquid as it jostled in his cup. It was probably getting close to five am now. He stared at the myriad of spirits that lined the bar shelves and then briefly looked across the room. If there were any employees that worked here Richie hadn’t seen them, other than the bored receptionist, and he was starting to wonder if she was just a figment of his imagination. Richie traced the intricate pattern on his cold whiskey glass before taking another large gulp, letting the drink burn a trail down his throat.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a small voice said he should put down the alcohol and try to sleep again but Richie was tired of waking up from nightmares. He had probably gotten only three hours of sleep before he was torn from his dreams, waking up in a panicked mess. The only good thing about the nightmares was that Richie never fully remembered them. There were flashes of horrendous images and deep rooted feelings of guilt and fear that lingered when he was awoken but nothing concrete.

The last time Richie had nightmares like these was probably a month after he moved from Derry. His parents had seen the way Eddie’s disappearance had affected Richie, how he had begun to use all of his free time trying to find the boy. Of course they never thought anything nefarious had gone down, but they never fully believed the excuses Sonia had given.

Richie remembers the day he came home late from the library to find a sold sign sticking out from the ground like an impromptu grave right in front of his house. He had been furious with his parents at first, screaming at them that he needed to stay so he could find Eddie. He didn’t speak to them for a week after. But after the initial shock wore off Richie apathetically accepted his fate. The Losers Club had one final sleepover to commemorate Richie’s departure.

It had only been a year since Eddie left but the cracks in their friend group were starting to show and deep down Richie knew it was his fault. They all missed Eddie like a phantom limb, but they could have overcome if it wasn’t for Richie. At least that is what he told himself each night. He couldn’t go back to how they were before, he hung out with them less and less and when he did, all he could think about was how Eddie wasn’t there. Every little thing reminded Richie of Eddie and he couldn’t understand why the others didn’t feel the same. 

Despite the early time, everyone met at Richie’s the morning he left, to say goodbye. The thought of leaving without an answer left a pit in Richie’s stomach so he did something bold and possibly stupid. He took out the small Swiss army knife in his back pocket and carved into his palm. The crimson blood pooled onto his calloused hand as he looked towards everyone.

“A blood pact.” He said it so matter-of-factly that the others didn’t need an explanation. “If any of you find out anything about Eddie you’ll contact me and I’ll come back to Derry.” Richie made eye contact with each Loser, “We’ll all come back.” 

No one said anything else, they all just wordlessly passed around the knife, slicing into their palms before holding each other’s hands. Tears pricked at the corner of Richie’s eyes and once he let go of his friends’ hands he was enveloped in a hug.

Richie was brought back to the present when he looked down at his hand and saw the hint of a scar along his palm. The mark faded, along with his memories, as he continued to live outside of Derry.

But now he was back. Richie was grasping onto the little information they had about Eddie and the small flicker of hope that still lay dormant inside him. He needed answers this time. He wouldn’t leave until he knew what happened to Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Richie eventually made his way back to his room and got what little sleep he could. He was awoken once again when he heard footsteps moving in the hallway. Glancing over at his clock he saw it was 8:00. Richie laid in bed for a few more minutes, then decided it was best to take a quick shower and get dressed.

He didn’t take long in the shower. In his haste to pack and leave Richie had forgotten to grab shampoo and conditioner, the hotels meager offerings contained barely enough to cover the pad of his thumb. A memory resurfaced in the depths of Richie’s mind, an afternoon trip to the general store after Eddie had found out that Richie was using a 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Richie could remember the exact face Eddie had on as he rambled in the pharmacy about proper hygiene. He felt a new surge of determination.

This was the first time in a while that Richie had felt any kind of optimism. Even though it was miniscule, it was there and Richie was hoping after today it would grow. After toweling off and getting dressed, Richie joined the others in the hotel’s lounge. Everyone was there already, discussing what to do next.

“We should start with what we know. Eddie’s mom said that he was with his aunt so maybe we should try to find her? Ask her what she knows.” Mike was standing while everyone else was situated in the chairs and couches lined on the rustic rug.

“Already did” Richie said, startling the others as he walked towards the unoccupied loveseat.

“What?” Mike looked towards Richie, confusion settling along his face.

“I already found Eddie’s aunt, probably like 7 months after he disappeared.”

“You found her?” Bill questioned which Richie answered with a nod, “how?”

“I got a copy of Sonia’s marriage certificate from the county clerk’s office which had her maiden name on it. Eddie had once mentioned his aunt living in Bangor so I looked up everyone with that maiden name in the Bangor phone books. There were luckily only 8 women who had that same last name so I called them all up, used one of my lovely impressions to get them to divulge some info and boom, Eleanor Harris 714 Forest Avenue.” Richie said nonchalantly.

He was met with silence then Stan said, “You do shit like this and yet thought putting an egg in the microwave would make it hard-boiled.”

“To be fair, that was pretty funny when it exploded.” Richie smiled towards Stan who couldn’t hold his exasperated façade and smiled back.

“Wait, so you talked to her? What did she say?” Bill questioned, still looking baffled.

“I didn’t just talk to her over the phone. Once I had her address I took the bus up to Bangor and knocked on her front door.”

“That has to be illegal right?” Ben whispered to Beverly, but Richie could clearly hear him.

“It’s not trespassing if she lets me into the house, Benjamin. I just needed to be 100% sure Eddie wasn’t there. When she opened the door I told her the truth, that I was looking for Eddie and that Sonia said he was with his aunt. She had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently after Eddie’s dad passed, her and Sonia got in a huge argument about how she was raising Eddie and they had not spoken since.” Richie got this far off look in his eyes before turning his gaze towards the floor. “She seemed really nice, much nicer than Sonia ever was.”

The other Losers could tell what Richie was thinking. They had all thought it at one point in time as well. Maybe in a different world, Eddie would have been with his aunt. Living a life full of smiles and the freedom to run as much as he wanted, no pills needed. Richie wished he could have given Eddie that life, whether he was in it or not.

“That means Eddie’s mom was lying. What reason would she have to lie?” Bill questioned.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out, right? Ask the bitch.” Beverly said, not hiding her contempt for the woman.

The rest of the group nodded collectively, except for Mike who sighed before speaking, “Unfortunately we can’t just go and ask her.” Mike paused and just as Richie was about to ask why he continued. “It was probably 5 years after Eddie disappeared, Sonia just went crazy, she would only leave the house for groceries and even that was rare. I heard through the grapevine that a neighbor went to check on her and Sonia attacked them. After that she was taken to the Juniper Hill Asylum on the edge of town.” 

The information settled among the group. “Is she still there?” Richie asked.

“Sonia? Yeah I think so.”

“Alright then let’s pay her a visit.” Richie said standing up before pulling out his phone and searching the address.

“Richie, we can’t just visit her. Only family members can make visits and I’m pretty sure they won’t let us through just because we knew her son.” Mike said.

“We can find a way,” Richie stated with no doubt in his voice.

Bill was the next to stand, “Ok if you really are so determined to talk to her we can try to find a way, but I don’t think it would be best if all six of us bust in there. We don’t want to be suspicious and we definitely don’t want people to know what we are up to. Especially if something nefarious really did go on.”

“I’ll go with Richie.” Beverly said from her spot next to Ben on the couch.

“Thanks, Red” Richie looked up from his phone to smile at Beverly who returned it.

“Ok, so what should the rest of us do?” Ben asked.

“Well, it might be best to ask around a bit. See if anything abnormal happened the year that Eddie disappeared, even the smallest thing could be a clue.” Mike said, “But remember to try not to draw suspicion to yourself. People in Derry are dumb but not that dumb.”

Everyone nodded, and split off into three groups. Richie and Bev headed to the asylum while Bill and Ben went to ask townspeople and Stan and Mike researched in the library.

As Beverly drove to the asylum, Richie felt his palms begin to sweat. Him and Sonia had never really had a good relationship. Richie was the “dirty” friend, the one who often pushed Eddie to do stupid things that would result in him trudging home in mud covered clothes. But what Mike had said disturbed Richie. Sonia had always seemed complacent in Eddie’s disappearance, but if she was, why had she freaked out? It left a knot in Richie’s stomach.

As Richie began to think too much he felt a hand rest upon his own. Beverly briefly tore her eyes from the road to send Richie a warm smile. That calmed Richie down enough to crack a bad joke.Beverly rolled her eyes.

When they walked into the waiting room, Richie noticed how miserable the building looked. There were no windows, only fluorescent lights letting out a constant buzz. The walls were painted a starch white with a stripe of blue wrapping around the middle to match the plastic chairs lined along the wall. Beverly warily looked at Richie before approaching the counter where a receptionist was typing on her bulky computer.

“Hello ma'am,” Beverly said, grabbing the receptionist’s attention. Richie noticed her name tag read Abigail. “We’re here to visit Sonia Kaspbrak.”

Abigail gave Beverly her best customer service smile and Richie felt a pang of sympathy. It must not be easy to work here. “Alright what time was your appointment? Also, I will need your ID so we can check that you’re in our system.”

Beverly stole a nervous glance from Richie. “Unfortunately, we don’t have an appointment, can we make one for today?” Beverly asked.

“Sorry, we need at least a weeks’ notice before we allow visitation rights. That’s just so we have time to do a brief background check and put you in our system.” Abigail frowned sympathetically , probably having to recite this more times than she could count.

Richie made only a second of eye contact with Beverly before she turned her head to the side and covered her mouth. Both Richie and Abigail stood shocked as Beverly began to bawl her eyes out.

“I’m so sorry it’s just-“ Beverly spoke through tears, “it’s just we are only staying in Derry for tonight and I wanted so desperately to see my aunt. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll have with her and it’s been so long” Beverly looked at Richie before grasping onto his arm and leaning towards the receptionist. “You see, we would stay longer but my boyfriend here is Richie Tozier and he has an important meeting tomorrow. I just don’t think I could do this alone.”

Abigail looked towards Richie, who tried his best to put on a somber face and gently reached over to rub Beverly’s back as she continued the water works. “I thought I recognized you!” Abigail quickly looked behind her before leaning in closer to them. “I would love to help you out but I can’t just let you back there, my boss would kill me or worse fire me.”

Beverly was about to start another round of tears but Richie reached into his pocket and pulled out 300$ from his wallet. “I know jobs are tough Abigail and we don’t want to bother you, so how about I leave this money here and if the door so happens to open and we so happen to slip in, then so be it.”

She stared at the money and then back at Richie and Beverly. Richie can feel the sweat on his palms but tries to stay calm. He is doing this for Eddie. Then Abigail moves her clipboard on top of the money. “I’m sorry sir it’s a week’s wait.” She said before dropping into a whisper, “I go on lunch break in 30 minutes, wait till then and I’ll open the door for you. Sonia Kaspbrak is in room 23A. Go straight down the hall then turn a left and keep going If you hit the cafeteria you went too far.”

She stood up tall before speaking once more, “now if you wait over there you can fill out this paperwork for your visitors pass and in a weeks’ time it will be processed.” She handed them a second clipboard and a pen before pointing to the plastic blue chairs.

They made their way over as Beverly wiped away the last of her tears. Upon sitting down Richie and Beverly looked over the papers as if they were actually filling them out. When Abigail turned back to her computer and continued typing, Richie turned to Beverly.

“I didn’t know you could cry on cue like that,” Richie said in a hushed tone.

“Hey, how do you think I managed to get alcohol when I was still 18?” She smirked.

Richie just chuckled and went back to looking busy before a question caught at the tip of his tongue. “I saw you took your wedding ring off at dinner. What was that about?”

Beverly looked at her hand like it was a foreign object, sadness settling along her face. “Well, what if I told you that seeing all of you guys made me realize I didn’t love my husband and instead wanted a six way marriage?”

“I would say you have good taste,” Richie grinned, “but I also know that’s a lie.”

Beverly nodded, “yeah it is.” 

She tapped her fingers anxiously against her thigh, “when I got the call from Mike, I was pulled back into all these memories of our childhood and how much I loved you guys. And I realized that I hadn’t felt love like that in a while.” She turned to face Richie, “plus it’s not a wedding ring, just an engagement one.”

Richie slung an arm around Bev’s shoulder and pulled her in closer, “if Mike calling made you realize that, then I’m glad he did because you deserve to be happy, like really happy.”

“Thanks, Trashmouth” Beverly smiled as she leaned into Richie’s side.

“No problem, Red.”

After what felt like hours, Abigail cleared her throat across the room, “Excuse me I’m going to be taking my lunch break. I should be back in 20 minutes, if you have any questions just ring the bell.” she pointed to the bell along the counter. When Richie caught her eye, she winked.

She walked towards the break room, the door closing behind her with a distinct click. Richie and Beverly waited a few minutes before getting up from their chairs and walking to the door. They snuck along the hallways trying to look as non-suspicious as possible and counting silently as they walked, 19, 20, 21, 22, there it is, Room 23A. Richie and Beverly slip into Sonia’s room. 

They closed the door behind them, and Richie looked up to see Sonia Kaspbrak sitting in a chair, looking out the window. She was noticeably older than the last time Richie had seen her. The wrinkles in her face looked like deep crevices and her hair had started to be overtaken by grey. There was a lost look in her eyes as she stared at the scenery outside. Richie almost felt bad for her. Almost.

“Hey Mrs. Kaspbrak, its uh, been a while.” Richie said. After all his big talk of bursting in and interrogating her, Richie could do nothing more than just stand there awkwardly.

She turned slowly and looked at Richie in confusion. “Who are you?”

“Gosh, I know it’s been a while and I’ve put on a few more pounds, but I didn’t think I was that unrecognizable.”

She continued to look confused before turning back to the window, disinterested in the intruders in her room. Richie looked towards Beverly, who just shrugged.

“Mrs. Kaspbrak it’s me, Richie Tozier,” Sonia snapped her head back, “I was Eddie’s friend, ya know, your son.”

Sonia leaped out of her chair, pointing an accusatory finger into Richie’s chest, “you, this is your fault!” 

Richie was backed against the wall,Sonia pushing into him. “If it wasn’t for you he would be here. They said he would be fine but he’s gone!”

The longer Sonia continued her rant, the less Richie understood. The words began to slur into one another and her breathing picked up.

Just as Richie was about to push her off and call this a lost cause Beverly spoke. “Mrs. Kaspbrak it's me, Greta Keane, remember I used to work at the pharmacy?”

Sonia stopped talking and turned to Beverly. At first there was confusion along her face before her mouth twisted into a smile. “Oh Greta! My prescription for Eddie will be ready by Tuesday, right?”

Richie watched in confusion as Sonia continued her conversation with Beverly. “Yes it should be ready by then. Speaking of Eddie, how is he?”

Sonia paused for a moment, her smile faltered, “oh Eddie is not doing so good but he should be better, they say he will get better.”

“That’s fantastic. I heard he is seeing his aunt.”

“Oh, that’s what I tell everyone, that’s what I tell them.” Sonia nodded her head.

Beverly glanced at Richie before continuing, “where is Eddie then Mrs. Kaspbrak?”

Sonia’s face fell, her eyes looked cold when she spoke “He is in the ground. Dead.”

Beverly looked towards Richie but his eyes were locked on Sonia. 

“He is not dead.” His voice was a combination of irate and chillingly calm. “How dare you say he is. How dare you say that I am the cause when all his life you have been this cruel obstacle that he has had to overcome.” Richie stalked over to Sonia, leaning down to get in her face, “you never deserved him.”

For a split second, it looked like some recognition crossed over Sonia’s eyes but it was quickly replaced with anger. “I don’t know you leave my room!” She screamed.

Beverly tugged Richie’s arm, “Come on let’s get out of here.”

They slipped out the room as Sonia’s screams echoed down the hall. Once they had left the building and were back in Beverly’s car, Richie let out a deep sigh.

He buried his head into his hands. “Shit, I’m sorry Bev. If I hadn’t lost my cool, maybe we could have gotten more information out of her.”

Beverly patted his shoulder “Hey, it wasn’t a total loss, look.” Richie turned to Beverly to see her pull a pile of envelopes out of her purse.

“You stole her mail?”

“What was she going to do with it anyway?” Beverly dropped the pile into Richie’s lap as she started the car. “You can look through it as we drive back, maybe we can find something useful in there.”

Richie smiled.  _ Of course Beverly would come through, she always did.  _

They had decided to have Mike and Ben meet Richie and Bev at the hotel. Stan and Bill would continue their investigations around town. After briefly looking through the mail Richie had lost some hope. It was mainly just junk mail, offers on shiny new credit cards and low rates on cars. Upon entering the hotel, Richie handed the pile to Mike who was already sitting in the lounge.

After looking at the envelopes and tossing half of it onto the table, Mike let out an, “Aha!” Bev and Richie looked over with puzzled faces.

“This letter is from the Derry storage facility, it says that the flood earlier this month damaged a few of the lockers and that Sonia’s storage locker was moved.”

“Wait, are you suggesting we break into her storage locker and take a peek?” Bev asked.

“I’m in.” Richie said automatically.

“Richie, it’s one thing to sneak in just to see someone but this is like super duper trespassing.”

“Super duper?” Richie asked with a chuckle.

“Listen I have a storage locker there as well, I can just say I’m going to grab a few things and you can sneak off and find Sonia’s. If there are any clues to where Eddie went, they would be there.” Mike said as he stood from his chair. Ben walked into the hotel as Mike added , “I think Ben and Richie should come, just in case some muscle is needed.”

Ben looked confused, “Am I going to have to fight someone?”

Richie smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Haystack, we wouldn’t want you hurting that gorgeous face of yours. We’ll tell you the plans on the way there.” 

Ben nodded,still confused but followed Richie out to Mike’s car. Mike told Beverly she could either head to the library and research with Stan or try to find Bill around town and help him.

They pulled up to the parking lot of Derry’s only storage facility, Mike turned to Richie. “Do you think you can hide a pair of bolt cutters in your jacket?”

Richie smiled. “Oh, of course, I once held a 24-litre of coke, a family size bag of chips, and a sandwich in here. I was like a walking deli but with twice the grease.”

Mike chuckled while Ben shook his head in fond exasperation. They situated the bolt cutters, and made sure they couldn’t be seen, then they made their way into the facility.

Upon entering the building Mike smiled, “Hey David.”

The attendant, presumably David, lifted his head, landing eyes on Mike and smiling, “Hey Mike haven’t seen you around in a while, how ya been?”

“Oh same old same old,” Mike leaned leisurely against the counter, “I just wanted to grab a few things from storage and these guys -” Mike pointed backwards towards Ben and Richie - “wanted to check out my furniture, maybe grab something if they like it.”

“Hey, why buy new when you can get used for cheap, right?” Jack said.

“Yeah, I say the same thing about underwear,” Richie couldn’t help but quip.

Jack let out an awkward chuckle, not sure if Richie was joking or not. “Well, here you go Mike, locker 278. Take your time.”

“Thanks David. Will do.” Mike waved as he made his way down the hall.

When they were out of eyeshot Mike pulled the letter from his pocket and looked at the number once again. He led Ben and Richie down the corridor before stopping in front of locker 249.

Ben looked nervous and briefly glanced around, grabbing Mike’s jacket before he had a chance to ask Richie for the bolt cutters. “Mike there’s cameras.”

Richie looked to where Ben’s eyes were set and sure enough, a camera was hung up in the corner, pointed directly at them.

“Oh, don’t worry those are just for show.” Mike said, reaching for Richie’s jacket.

“How do you know their fake?” Richie asked.

“Oh, the owner’s wife works at the library. She always complains about her husband being cheap, said he didn’t even get real cameras for the storage place, just uses fake ones to trick people into thinking they are real.” he said as he wiggled the bolt cutters from out of Richie’s jacket and lined them up to the lock on the storage unit.

“I forgot that everyone knows everyone in small towns.” Ben said.

“Yup” Mike spoke as he cut off the lock. “It has its perks.” 

He discarded the lock before lifting the door slightly. “Ok, now I’m going to go to my actual storage locker and look busy, you and Ben start searching for stuff. On my way back I’ll knock on the door twice and when I hear a knock back I’ll know you’re done and let you guys out. Got it?”

Ben and Richie nodded before ducking under the door and being plunged into darkness. They both pulled out their phones, turning on their flashlights and looking around at the myriad of junk littering the small space.

“Jesus,” Richie said.

“Well, I guess we just start looking. I’ll take this side.” Ben moved towards the left, opening a box ,finding nothing but old cutlery.

Richie moved to the right, opening a container and finding cheap looking jewelry. He looked over the room once more and sighed,  _ this is going to take a while. _

The sounds of shuffling and huffs of disappointment filled the small room. Richie hoped the concrete walls would drown out most of the noise in case anyone walked by. He had taken to sitting on the dirty floor and started looking through a box of papers. It was mainly the normal stuff, birth certificates, credit card statements, warranties for items long expired. But Richie paused when he noticed a picture frame wedged into the side of the box. He lifted it up and was face to face with a picture of Eddie.

Richie had never forgotten what Eddie looked like, but then again maybe he had. It had been so long, he never dared to look at any of the photos lying around his parent’s attic. He had thought he would remember but the Eddie in this picture had bigger eyes, fuller cheeks, more freckles. The image in his head was close but too fuzzy. It wasn’t this Eddie, it wasn’t him. Richie could feel the tears on his cheeks before he had a chance to stop them.

How could he forget the details? The freckles along the bridge of his nose or the way his right ear was just slightly lower than the left. He dragged his fingers along the edge of the image. He had forgotten his face and didn’t even know it.

Richie was startled from his state of despair when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and in the dim light saw a knowing look on Ben’s face. Richie tried to wipe away the tears but they reappeared too fast. Ben kneeled onto the floor and pulled Richie into a hug.

Richie buried his face into Ben’s shoulder and continued his silent crying. When he finally calmed down enough to pull away he noticed the tears staining Ben’s cheeks.

Ben grabbed the photo from where Richie left it on top of the box. “Gosh it’s been so long, almost forgot what he looked like.” Ben chuckled “This looks like it was taken during our 6 th year at Derry Middle School; I remember Eddie being so pissed at you since you grew five inches over the summer and he grew, like, one. Do you think he’s still the same height?”

Richie smiled, wiping his nose with his jacket sleeve, “for all we know, he got even shorter.” Ben laughed, and gave Richie one last hug before returning to his pile of clutter.

It took far too long to go through everything. Once Richie was done looking through the last box he stood with his shoulders hunched in disappointment. Ben was next to him shining his flashlight over everything. He stopped when he noticed a box beside Richie’s right foot.

“Hey Rich, did you look through that box yet?” Ben said, motioning his head in the direction of the box.

Richie looked down, “oh shit I missed that one.” 

He picked it up and inspected the outside. It was,smaller container and plastic, unlike the others. Its lid was a deep purple with a noticeable crack on the corner.

Richie pried it open and was met with a small collection of items. A pair of reading glasses, small pieces of jewelry, and a bible that took up most of the space. He wondered if this was all the things from Sonia’s nightstand. Ben used his flashlight to illuminate the box as Richie rifled through it, finding nothing of particular interest. He was about to give up hope when he decided to pick up the bible. There was a noticeable dent in it from where he presumed a bookmark still lied. Richie flipped through the pages and a handful of papers fell to the ground. Richie met Ben’s eyes before he picked up the papers on the ground.

His eyes widened, “these are brochures for conversion camps.”

Richie looked up to see Ben’s shocked face. He was just about to speak when they heard two knocks on the door.

“Grab those and let’s get out of here,” Ben made his way to the door and knocked once. Mike lifted the door just enough to have Richie and Ben duck under it.

“Did you guys find anything?” Mike asked, his own box of items nestled in his arms.

Richie looked over at Ben and then back towards Mike. “Maybe. But I want to gather everyone before we decide what to do.”

Mike nodded and they were on their way out and back to the hotel. Richie felt a weight begin to form in his stomach, he wondered if he was truly ready to find the truth.

When everyone was back at the hotel and gathered around the lounge - something that Richie noticed was becoming a habit- he tossed the brochures onto the coffee table like it burned him to hold them any longer. The others looked over at them, worry beginning to take over the confusion lined along their faces.

It was quiet, no one knew what to say. Until Stan spoke up. “So, Sonia sent Eddie to a conversion camp?”

“We don’t know that yet, all this proves is that she was thinking about it.” Bill said, his hands clasped so tight Richie could see the tips of his fingers turn white.

“But it’s at least something, right?” Ben asked. “It might be the thing that leads us to him.”

Beverly, a pensive look on her face, said, “when we saw Sonia at the asylum she said Eddie was dead.” The group turned to her, their faces a mixture of shock and sorrow. “I don’t know if we can trust her, she did seem very… out of it when we talked to her. But if she was telling the truth, do you think one of these places had something to do with it?”

“There’s only one way to find out.” Richie said as he picked up one of the pamphlets, his face twisted in disgust. He didn’t want to accept what Sonia had said. After all, Mike was so certain what he heard on the phone was Eddie. But every step they took had Richie wonder if he was doing the right thing. Would he be ok after this was over? If Eddie was dead, would he be able to accept it? 

Richie wasn’t sure anymore. But he knew that at this point, he couldn’t stop.

They spent the rest of the day researching each place on the brochures. They called the ones that were, regrettably, still open and tried to find as much as they could on the ones that had closed. 

Nothing promising had come up in their search, no records of any Eddie Kaspbrak even stepping foot into any of these places. After hours of calls and internet sleuthing everyone was tired. Stan’s back was sore, Bev kept rubbing her eyes, and Mike hadn’t eaten at all today. Most of all everyone could tell Richie was getting frustrated with the lack of clues. They decided to pause their search and grab something to eat.

The six of them sat along a worn down picnic table in the middle of the park. No one spoke as they ate, all too exhausted to do anything other than slowly chew their food. Richie, however, couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat. He would take a bite of his sandwich then put it down and pick at his nails while his foot would tap rapidly underneath the table.

The others noticed, sending glances his way but no one made a comment. Stan, who was sitting next to Richie, gently placed his hand on Richie’s leg, stilling it for a few minutes before it went back to jumping.

After taking his fifth bite of his sandwich, Richie couldn’t hold it in any longer. “How are we so sure Eddie went to one of these places?” The losers turned to look at Richie, “I mean sure Sonia had those brochures but we don’t know for sure if she sent him to one of those camps. Eddie wasn’t even gay.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Beverly asked.

“Me and Eddie told each other everything, he would have told me something as important as that.” Richie said, the tone of his voice was sharp.

There was silence. No one wanted to provoke Richie. 

Until Bill muttered under his breath, “he was gay.”

“Excuse me?” Richie asked incredulously.

“I don’t want to go into this right now, Richie.” Bill said. He got up from his seat and went to toss his garbage into the trash can.

“No, what do you mean ‘he was gay’? How do you know so much, Denbrough?” Richie stood from the table as well, blocking Bill’s way back to his seat.

“Let’s just drop it, Richie, ok?”

“No, not ok, what did you mean?” Richie’s voice was starting to rise in volume and the rest of the group could tell he was about to blow.

Bill sighed, “Listen, I just know. I don’t want to talk about this.” Bill turned to leave but Richie grabbed his arm.

“You can’t just say something like that and then not explain.” Richie said. Bill refused to make eye contact, instead finding the ground more interesting. Richie scowled, “This is so like you, you always talk big but when it comes to action you’re just a pussy.”

“Eddie went to my house the night before he disappeared.”

Richie let go of Bill’s arm. “What?”

“After he was done hanging out with you he stopped by my house. He told me he wanted to talk about something important.” Richie started shaking his head. There was no way Eddie would do this and even if he did Bill wouldn’t keep this from him. Not when he had seen how devastated Richie had been, not when he had seen how desperately he searched for Eddie.

“He came to my house and to-told me,” Bill groaned, it had taken years for his stutter to leave but during stressful moments like this it couldn’t help but leak out. “He told me he wu-was gay.” Richie and the others looked on in shock. “I was going through a rough t-time and trying to figure things out a-about myself. I still am. So when he told me I-I didn’t take it too well.” Bill’s gaze fell to the ground, “I-I said some hurtful things, things I still regret. He left m-my house in tears.”

Bill’s words hung loosely in the air, no one dared speak.

Richie stood in shock. He shook his head, “No, he would have told me. We told each other everything, why wouldn’t he tell me this?”

Bill finally looked into Richie’s eyes. They were misty and full of regret. “Richie, Eddie told me he was in love with you.”

There was a beat of silence.

“You bastard!” Richie tackled Bill to the ground landing a punch along his cheek. “You absolute bastard!” Richie screamed as he shook Bill by the collar. “You kept this from me for years! What if Eddie ran away because of you? What if he ran away and was murdered and his body was dumped in the middle of nowhere?” 

Bill said nothing in response and didn’t even try to defend himself as Richie landed another punch. The others sprang from their seats and ran to them. Ben and Mike, despite Richie’s tight grip on Bill, pulled him off and held him back by the arms. Beverly and Stan went to Bill’s side, checking to see if Richie had done any major damage.

“Let me go!” Richie struggled in Ben and Mike’s grip. “If Bill would have told me this from day one we would have found Eddie by now!”

“Richie, we don’t know that!” Mike said beside him.

“What would that have changed? You would have still had just as many clues as you did back then.” Beverly said as she helped Bill back on to his feet.

Richie finally shook off Ben and Mike but made no moves towards Bill. “I see how it is. Everyone always takes Bill’s side because he is Mr. Perfect. Why don’t you all just start sucking his dick?”

“Richie, you know it’s not like that.” Stan spoke, his voice was gentle as he tried to walk towards Richie.

“No.” Richie backed up, tears already clouding his vision. “I don’t need any of you. I never did.”

“Richie!” Stan called out but Richie was already running towards his car. Tears streamed down his face as he tore out from the parking lot and sped through the town.

Richie wasn’t sure where he was going until his eyes fell upon the site of the former kissing bridge. He parked his car on the side of the road and walked over to the cold metal frame of the bridge. When the group had sat down for lunch the sun was already making its way across the sky, now it was flirting with the horizon, dipping downward ever closer. The pink and orange hue reflected off the metal creating a soft look. Somewhere in the back of Richie’s head he thought it looked beautiful.

Richie sat where he had the first time he had found the bridge. This time, he let his legs sprawl out in front of him as he contemplated what had happened.  _ I have ruined everything good that has ever happened to me.  _ Richie felt emotional bile rise in his throat knowing it was true.

Eddie had loved Richie, but he was too dumb to even notice Eddie’s feelings. What would he have done even if he had ? Would he hide his feelings like he had for over a decade? Richie couldn’t imagine letting himself be happy because he knew he didn’t deserve it. But, really, those “what-ifs” didn’t matter. Right now, Richie Tozier had isolated all the people who cared about him and he was utterly alone. He let out a dry chuckle. Maybe that was for the best.

Richie sat along the bridge, drowning in a tsunami of thoughts. He didn’t notice when someone had begun to walk towards him until the figure entered his peripherals.

“I thought I might find you here.” Mike said, a warm smile on his face. The sun was almost gone, but the hints of orange still scattered along the sky were reflected in his eyes.

Richie didn’t respond; instead he kept his gaze focused onto the ground.

“Can I sit next to you?” Mike asked while pointing to the pavement next to Richie, who shrugged in response. Mike sat down, he didn’t say anything for a while, just joined Richie as he stared off into space.

“How’s Bill? I didn’t punch him too hard, right?” Mike turned to Richie, a smile still on his face.

“Nah, Bill is fine, he has a bruised cheek and busted lip, but he’ll be fine.” Richie nodded in acknowledgement. There was another pause before Mike decided to speak again, “Bill is really beating himself up though, he didn’t want to make you upset.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to sound like I’m defending his choices, he should have told you-should have told everyone-about seeing Eddie that night. But I think he was so scared that it was his fault, that if he said what happened we would all turn our backs on him.” Mike turned to stare at Richie, “do you really think it’s his fault that Eddie left?”

Richie thought for a moment before shaking his head, “No. I just -” Richie paused, holding back tears, “I guess I just wanted someone to blame. Because I know deep down, it’s my fault he is gone.”

Mike rested his hand on Richie’s shoulder, “It’s not your fault Richie. It’s none of our faults.”

Richie’s heart tightened, he couldn’t hold in the tears any longer and let them travel down his cheeks. Mike let Richie cry as he rubbed his back. “I never told anyone, but one summer when we were 13, I came here and I carved me and Eddie’s initials into the bridge. I couldn’t stop myself, I just wanted something tangible, something that made it real. Maybe even as a little fuck you to this piece of shit town. I thought I was going crazy with how much I thought about him.” Richie let out a chuckle through his tears. “Ya know, I was always afraid of how others looked at me, but with him I was afraid of how much I wanted him to look. I wanted him to see everything I hated about myself and tell me I was the biggest idiot for thinking like that. But now the bridge is gone and Eddie is gone.”

Richie looked at Mike and noticed tears cascading down his face. “But we’re still here Richie, we’ve always been here for you.”

Richie smiled, tears still on his face. “You have been” He leaned into Mike’s side, “I’m sorry I was too stupid to see that.”

Mike pulled Richie into a hug, “I think we’ve all been stupid.”

They both laughed, leaning into each other’s embrace. Richie could feel his back twinge at the awkward position; he was older than when he first carved those initials into the bridge.

Mike and Richie stayed clasped together for a few minutes before pulling apart. They smiled at one another and resumed their original position, sitting with their backs to the cold metal. Sitting there, Richie began to contemplate what would happen next. they had gone back to square one. No leads and no idea what to do next.

Richie was just about to ask Mike what they should do next, when he heard the distinct sound of rocks crunching under tires. He looked towards his left to see Bill’s rental car approaching the bridge. Bill slammed on the brakes as he spotted their huddled forms on the bridge.

Richie turned towards Mike, a questioning look on his face, but Mike just shrugged in confusion. When the engine cut off, Richie could see Bill get out of the car with a frantic look in his eyes. Once he saw Richie he looked away, shame still present on his features. Mike stood up, helping Richie to his feet before patting him on the shoulder and walking towards Bill.

Mike gave Bill a knowing look and then nudged him towards Richie. Bill walked towards him, eyes still cast on the ground until he was in front of Richie. He made the briefest of eye contact before setting his eyes on the bridge. “Hey, Rich.”

“Hey, Big Bill.”

“Richie, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I could give you a million excuses but that doesn’t change the past. I should have told you as soon as Eddie went missing. I’m sorry. I’ll always regret that. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to let you know that I never meant to hurt you.” Bill finally raised his head and Richie could see the bruise forming on his cheek and the dried blood on his lip. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, he looked a mess.

Richie pulled Bill into a hug. “Bill, I’m sorry too. I should have never blamed you for Eddie disappearing. It’s not your fault, it’s never been your fault.” A sob escaped Bill as he buried his head into Richie’s chest. “Eddie was never the kind of person who would keep his mouth shut if he was upset with you.”

Bill laughed, “Remember when I accidentally tore his favorite Captain America comic? I didn’t hear the end of it for weeks.”

Richie joined Bill in laughing, “Yeah, I remember.” They stood like that until both their tears stopped flowing.

“We’ve both been dumb haven’t we?”

“The biggest idiots in the universe,” Richie smiled down at Bill who smiled back.

Bill's smile broke, however, when he yanked himself out of Richie’s grasp, “oh shit I forgot that’s why I came here!”

“Cus’ we’re both idiots?”

“No!” Bill grabbed Richie’s arm and dragged him towards Mike who looked confused, but happy to see them getting along again. “Ok, so while me and Stan did research today we learned stuff that we thought was inconsequential, but when linked together might be something.” Richie looked confused but nodded along with Mike. “So while I was walking around town I talked to the guy who owns that sandwich shop on Canal St. and he said the biggest order he ever had to make was about 3 years after Eddie was gone, it was like dozens of sandwiches.”

“Sounds riveting,” said Richie dryly.

Mike shushed him as Bill continued. “That’s not the weird part. The guy said that they requested delivery to the old iron works factory but then canceled and just picked it up.”

Mike and Richie shared a look, “That’s…odd.” Mike said.

“It gets weirder. Stan was looking at old newspapers and it turns out 5 years before Eddie went missing, the iron works factory was bought by some big company. But they didn’t make any changes, at least not any on the outside. Several people talked about seeing supplies being dropped off around there but not seeing any construction. Although we looked up the company and it looks like they dissolved a few years ago.”

“Holy shit” Mike said.

“Exactly! Do you think this has anything to do with Eddie? I mean it is pretty weird right?” Bill asked.

“Well we have to try, right? Even if there is only a small chance,” Mike said before turning to Richie, “right?” 

Richie looked at Mike and then Bill. “Let’s go get the others.”

All six of them stood outside the iron works factory. The sun had long since set and each of them carried a flashlight. Mike and Stan both sported a small backpack filled with supplies they might need.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We don’t even know what’s in there,” Ben asked.

Beverly put her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’re just going to scope this place out, if it looks dangerous we’ll turn back.”

“What happened to super duper trespassing?” Richie snickered next to her.

Beverly replied with a firm smack in the chest, which had Richie doubling over. Stan rolled his eyes, “come on kids, we’re breaking onto private property.”

It was easy enough to enter the building with Mike’s bolt cutters. The weak chain around the door snapped easily and they were inside. It looked like any old abandoned building, dust and cobwebs filled every surface area. Any metal in the area had long since rusted and the paint was slowly peeling off the walls. They broke up to cover larger ground, inspecting anything they could find for clues.

The building gave off an eerie aura. The group walked around cautiously with their hearts in their throats. When Bill knocked his flashlight into a metal beam everyone jumped before shouting at him to be more careful. Although as the search continued on their fear was replaced with hopelessness. They had found no clues yet. 

After almost an hour of searching the group was about to give up, but they didn’t want to admit defeat just yet. Stan was scanning the ground with his flashlight while running his hand along the east wall when suddenly he felt the texture change. He stopped and tapped his flashlight against the brick.

“Hey guys,” everyone else stopped what they were doing to turn towards Stan, “I think this is fake brick.”

“What?” Ben said as he made his way over to Stan.

“Yeah, me and Patty have some fake brick on the outside of our house, it feels just like this.” Stan moved to the side as Ben inspected the wall.

“He’s right, this is faux brick,” Ben said, turning to the group gathered behind him.

“Faux brick? What does that mean?” Bill asked.

Ben rummaged through the backpack on Mike before pulling out a crow bar. “It means this.” Ben swung the crow bar back and smashed it into the wall. The cracking sound was deafening, causing Richie’s ears to ring.

“Oh my god,” Beverly said as she looked at the newly formed hole in the wall. Ben smiled at his handy work before striking the wall once more. The hole grew larger in size, revealing something behind it. Beverly gasped after the third swing, “it’s a door!”

Everyone looked at the grey door previously hidden by faux bricks. It appeared like there was previously a keypad or something electrical hooked up to wear the door knob would be, but now it was just a square hole and loose wires. Bill was the first to reach out and try to open the door.

With a simple push, the door was jolted from its resting place, its hinges screaming out. No one moved until Richie stepped forward. “I’ll go first.”

He stepped over the crumbled brick on the ground and through the door. It was musty and cobwebs could be seen on every corner. Richie scanned his flashlight around only to be met with a long winding staircase leading down. He leaned over the railing to see more and more stairs with no ground in sight.

“It’s a staircase,” Richie called behind him.

Bill was already stepping his way through the door and stared peering over the railing like Richie. “That’s a long way down.”

“This just keeps getting crazier and crazier.” Stan mumbled.

They all made their way down the narrow staircase with Richie in front. The stairs were made of concrete, something they were all thankful for as wooden stairs would have been far more dangerous. No one said anything as they continued down further, the fear of what they might find held back their tongues.

Suddenly the stairs stopped. There was a small area of open space, then double doors. Just like everything else they had seen, it appeared to be abandoned. Richie looked towards the others questioningly, they all nodded in response, ready for whatever they were about to walk into.

Richie put his hand on the door, feeling the cool of the metal under his fingers. He hesitated, feeling a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t look over to see who it was, all he needed was a reminder that his friends were here. They would always be here for him.

He pushed open the door and was met with darkness. Richie raised his flashlight (as did the others) and was met with the sight of a hallway with multiple doors and branching pathways. In the center of the entryway laid a worn down receptionist desk, a chair could still be seen behind it. The entire floor was flooded with water.

“This is insane.” Stan said.

“This was under Derry? How did no one notice?” Bill said as he waved his flashlight around. Richie just shrugged, still in awe.

“I mean this is crazy, but does it have anything to do with Eddie?” Ben asked.

“I guess some investigating is in order, onward my children.” Richie said, hopping into the water, which stopped at his ankles.

“Richie, no offense, but if I was your kid I would put myself up for adoption.” Stan nudged Richie’s shoulder with a playful smile on his face, which Richie returned.

The group began to make their way through the murky water. The first door they opened leads to a room with counters along the walls. Dusty test tubes and other scientific instruments lay on top of the counters. They all look on in confusion as they go to check the adjacent room, which is almost identical to the last.

“What is this place?” Mike asks as they move to the third door they see.

It’s already slightly ajar when Richie pushes it open to see an operating table in the center of the room. Surgical lights hang from the ceiling, many of the bulbs yellowed or already broken. The next room is also filled with various medical supplies.

“Was this some sort of medical facility?” Bill asks. No one answers.

They split up looking down different corridors. Richie sees Mike looking through a desk in one of the rooms, it looks to be an office. He pulled out papers from a drawer, rifling through them before stuffing a few into his bag.

“Find anything, Mikey?” Richie asks as he approaches.

“No, not really. All the important stuff is gone, this is mainly junk.” He shows Richie one of the papers. “A document stating the change in overtime pay,” he continues to flip through multiple documents, “a receipt for a new truck, a flyer for an exterminator, an invoice for surgical gloves. It’s a bunch of junk but I’m going to take it with, just in case.”

Richie nods and turns to leave before seeing the name on the desk, “Dr. Miller”. This confirmed that this place had to be some sort of medical facility, they didn’t have nice offices for doctors just because.

As Richie left the room he heard Bill cry from father down the hall, “hey guys! There’s a second floor down this hallway.”

Everyone gathered where Bill was standing. Calling it a second floor was being generous, as it was only a five step incline. At the top of the steps was another door. Although, this one had a small window that one could look into and a heavy locking mechanism. Richie asked for the crow bar, which Mike quickly handed over.

After prying the door open everyone piled onto the second floor. This section was much smaller with only four doors lining one wall and two lining the other. It seemed the heightened elevation had kept this floor dry from any murky water. The first door on the right was already open, showing a bathroom with multiple stalls and several showers.

Richie looked over at Stan, whose face was wrought with confusion. They opened the door to their left next to find a room that contained a small cot and flimsy desk with two of its legs broken.

“Were they…keeping people here?” Beverly asked. Ben was close to her side, gripping her arm as they continued to walk.

“I don’t know but this place is freaking me out.” Bill said. “Has anyone found any trace that Eddie was here?” A chorus of no’s rang throughout the group.

Richie wasn’t going to lie, he was upset that they had found so little clues. He was almost glad for the anger, though as it outweighed any fear he might be feeling. It was getting late and Richie knew he couldn’t keep everyone down here searching for much longer. He didn’t want to give up yet but his hope in finding anything was dwindling. 

The next two doors contained similar rooms, only reinforcing Bev’s statement about keeping people here. It was only in the last room that they found something different. While there was still a small cot and desk, the small bed had blankets piled on top and the desk was a different model than the others. There was also a chair sitting in the corner. When Richie shined his flashlight over the desk he saw papers plastered on the wall above it as well as some strewn about the desk. The group hesitantly made their way over to inspect but when they saw what was there, they stopped.

“Oh my God,” Beverly said, her voice strained.

A decent amount of the paper had already deteriorated with only pieces of the corners still stuck up to the wall with tape. The papers left were covered in sketches, scribbled onto the page by a harsh black pen. Richie noticed a piece of cardboard in the center. He tore it from the wall, examining the picture scribbled onto its brown surface. It was them, the whole Losers Club.

Their features weren’t perfect, Stan was given a longer nose and Beverly’s hair was all wrong. But it was them. All of the pictures along the wall were depictions of them from their youth. Richie looked at the ones still sitting on the table, there were drawings of the barrens and doodles of superheroes. On top of one pile, Richie noticed his own face and picked it up. The sketch showed Richie, features skewed but still there and an arrow pointing to his glasses reading “Big Dumb Glasses” written in Eddie’s handwriting. 

“He was here.” Mike said.

Richie started to shake, the paper in his hands crinkled 

“FUCK!” Richie screamed slamming both fists onto the desk.

“Richie!” Bill shouted, surprised at the outburst.

“He was here the whole fucking time!” Richie slammed his fists down onto the desk again . He heard a distinct cracking sound as the wood gave way. “He was right under Derry this whole time! I was looking all over the Goddamn place and he was here!” Richie picked up the chair in the corner and smashed it onto the ground. The others backed out of the room and into the hallway, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of Richie’s rage.

Richie tossed the cot across the room. The metal frame made a clanging sound as it hit the wall. He went back to the desk, ready to flip it over when he stopped at the sight of a piece of paper wedged beneath another piece of cardboard. The text along the top read in big bold letters, “RICHIE TOZIERS COMEDY SPECIAL,” and below it was a crude drawing of Richie standing up on a stage with a microphone in hand surrounded by tons of people. In the audience, Eddie was clapping along to whatever Richie had just said. 

Richie collapsed onto the floor, head in his hands.

He sat there, his heartbeat pulsing in his ears when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, Richie could barely make out the shape of Stan’s face in the dark. Richie leaned into Stan’s side.

“I’m sorry guys. I didn’t mean to freak out so bad.” Richie said.

“It’s ok Rich, we know this is… a lot to take in.” Beverly motioned around the room with her flashlight.

“But this does mean that Eddie was here right? If so, then where is he now?” Ben asked.

“I don’t know, but he has to be somewhere right? Mike heard him over the phone.” Bill replied.

Mike rubbed at the back of his neck, “I’m almost 90% sure it was Eddie but the call was so full of static and cutting out constantly, there is a chance I made a mistake.”

The confession hung in the air. It was a possibility they had all thought about but no one wanted to admit.

“We should grab whatever evidence we have and leave this place.” Richie said finally after minutes of silence.

Everyone wordlessly agreed and Mike went over to grab the papers that remained on the desk. Once he had grabbed everything, he started to head out of the room, followed closely by Stan. Richie stayed for a moment letting his flashlight drift along the room. The thought of Eddie staying in this place made Richie’s chest tighten. This place was too dark, too cold, too small. Eddie deserved to be in the sunlight in a large open area where he could run as much as he wanted with his friends beside him.

Richie was about to head out of the room when something caught his eyes. Along the wall where the cot had previously been there was a piece of grey cardboard tapped haphazardly to the bottom. Richie cautiously walked over, kneeling to the ground before it and carefully peeling it away. Behind the cardboard was a hole in the wall. It was small in size, probably no wider than a foot. And inside it was a box.

“Hey guys!” Richie called behind him. At the sound of footsteps reentering the room, Richie reached into the hole and pulled out the box, turning around to show it to everyone.

“What the hell is that?” Stan asked.

“I don’t know, it was in the wall covered up by a piece of cardboard and the cot.” Richie stood up.

He inspected the outside of the box. It looked like it was re-used from an old box of office supplies, the corners were tapped up to give it more stability. Richie ripped it open only to find a manila envelope with “Richie Tozier” written across it. He recognized the handwriting as Eddie’s.

Richie opened the envelope seeing six folded up pieces of paper and one piece unfolded with his name written across the top. He pulled out the letter and began to read silently as everyone around him waited with baited breath. 

_ Dear Richie, _

_ I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I don’t know if you’ll ever see it. I’m not even sure how long it’s been since I’ve been gone. Recently I’ve been hearing rumors that this place is being shut down and I’ll be “moved” to another facility. But I think that’s just a code word for getting rid of me permanently. I wrote this with the hope that maybe one day someone will find it and bring it to you. I wanted to say I’m sorry Richie, I’m so sorry for not keeping my promise to you. My mother tricked me, she said if I went to a “special camp,” she would let me go to UCLA with you, but she lied, I was taken here. I just want to go home. I miss you, I miss the Losers Club. If this is the last thing I’ll ever write then I want you to know that I’m in love with you, Richie. I have loved you for so long, I don’t think I can remember a time when I didn’t. I know it’s probably the last thing you want to hear but I don’t want to die with any regrets. In this envelope are five other letters, each one is addressed to one of the Losers, could you please give them their letters? Thank you Richie, for everything, you made me a braver person. _

_ Love, Eds  _

Tears were already running down Richie’s face, but at the last line he broke completely. All the years of teasing and “don’t call me that,” and yet this is how he signed his name. He loved the nicknames, he loved Richie. It was one thing to be told by Bill but it was another to see it written in Eddie’s own handwriting. The handwriting that was too small, with u’s that looked like n’s, the one that Eddie had written on the notes they passed to each other in class.

Richie couldn’t stop the sobs from shaking his body. He curled in on himself, the letter clasped close to his heart. His breath came out broken, trying to find some kind of rhythm. Richie felt several hands on his back and arms, all trying to subtly show that they were there for him. Then he remembered the rest of the letters.

Richie wiped his eyes against his arm, trying his best to clear the tears so he could see properly. He dug into the manila envelope and pulled out the six other letters, handing them out to whoever’s name was written on the front. Everyone looked confused but accepted them. They all started to read their own personal letters, flashlights held up as the only light source, all except Bill who looked at his letter with fear. 

As everyone began to read their faces twisted into sadness. Richie could just barely see tears streaming down Ben’s face as he read. At one point, Stan had to put his letter down to collect himself. After Beverly was done with her letter she went over to Ben and embraced him, holding him close as they both cried. Mike was teary eyed as well, but he held a slight smile. He walked over to Bill who was still staring at his letter and patted his shoulder. That was enough encouragement for Bill to finally begin to read his it wasn’t long before he was sobbing too 

There were several moments of silence.

“I think it’s time we head out of here,” Bill said.

Everyone nodded and began to make their way out of the room. All except Richie, who continued to stand in the middle of the room, the letter still clutched in his hand.

Stan paused at the doorway, “Richie, are you coming?”

Richie wiped more tears away, “yeah you guys can go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you at the hotel.” Stan looked like he was about to say something, but instead nodded before leaving the room.

Richie sat on the floor re-reading the letter several times. He was angry with himself for not knowing Eddie had been so close and he was heartbroken that the hope of finding him had been extinguished. Eddie had lived in this hell hole for who knows how long. Who even knows what they were doing here? There was no mention of it in his letter and he was too afraid to ask anyone else what their messages said. Richie reached out to the floor and rubbed his hands against the cold concrete.

He is not sure where to go from here. He knows he doesn’t want to return to how his life was before, full of empty whiskey bottles and loneliness but where can he go from here? Richie sits on the floor, for how long he isn't sure. He goes back and forth between thinking and re-reading his letter. His back becomes too sore to tolerate anymore, he lifts himself off the ground. There are still tears streaming down his cheeks, but he is too drained to try and wipe them away.

His head hangs low as he leaves the room, but perks up when he hears movement and faint talking. At the end of the hall is the rest of the Losers Club standing and waiting for Richie.

“Hey, I thought I said I would catch up with you at the hotel.” Richie said as he approached the group.

“Yeah, but we didn’t want to leave you.” Beverly walks up to him and gives him a hug.

“Plus, you know your clumsy ass would trip and fall on the way out, probably knock your big head on something.” Stan says. There is no malice in his words, just a warm smile.

Richie smiles back, “I’m not the one who tripped and fell into mud while asking Stephanie out to the homecoming dance”

The group laughs as Stan sputters, “Hey, that was one time and you said you would never speak of it!” But soon Stan was joining in on the laughter.

They begin to make their way out of the facility. As they reach the top of the stairs the Losers Club holds each other’s hands, making their way through the abandoned iron works factory. Even when they leave and head down the dirt covered road, they can’t seem to let each other go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go! Thanks for all who have stuck this far and I'll try to get out the next chapter quicker than this one, thank you so much for reading! Feel free to drop by my social medias and say hi, I love to talk fandom! :)  
> Twitter: Pink_Medusa6  
> Tumblr: pinkmedusa6


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